Crying (Care)Freeman

I wonder why i wanna blog about this too... but then again this one of the reason why i blog in the 1st place...

Anyway, all the years since i was a young teen, i always maintain an emotionless look... especially when bad things happen around me. Even during my father's death, my grandpa or even my fav grandma where everyone else cried openly... i was always without a single drop of tear. Even i myself tot my heart was harden without the feeling of sadness... or maybe it my care-free attitude. I can feel happy but not sadness. Maybe the happiness might been an act.

Still, a lot time. i really wish to cry out. The passing of my father, my broken relationship wif my ex, and especially during the recent year. Yet i cant. Not a drop. A robot like human.

And yesterday night, i just erupted.

I received my salary of the month and hopes to dine out. Yet i dun felt like eat alone. My bros got their own things to do. A few friendly phone calls, a few sms. No favorable result. Then i decide to eat some leftover bread at home. Alone.

Later all bros came back and we discussed about the house moving problem. It became heated when the third and i argued. Second bro tends to not get involve or things might get worse. Soon the third (currently taking a degree in psychology) said something which felt akin to what Steve Irvin got in his last moment... maybe even worst.

I shouted back in rage and retreated to my room. I was trying to calm down when mum phoned. And when talking to her, i suddenly just exploded in tears. I was cried and sobbed like a 3 year old. It was like all the accumulated pressure, disappointments and grief just burst open. Unable to speak properly, i handed the phone to my 2nd bro who standing there stunned ( he said much later that's the 1st time he saw me cried in his whole life)

Obviously, my mum was dead worried when she suddenly heard me like this.

Soon i was able to calm down and was dumb-founded that i cried just then.... Just so surreal. My bro and mum (second phone call) was relieved. Sorry for making u all so worried ;P
Later i made peace to my third bro. Hey, we brothers after all.....

So i cried. Real man cries, as the saying goes. Hey, I'm a human after all. After this episode, I hope things will get better.